We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
