o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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