there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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