singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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