Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize