im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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