Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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