The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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