I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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