I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
