HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
