the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There r osticjed everywhere
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
