no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
