HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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