If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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