How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the day after is always just damage control
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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