rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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