My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
