But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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