He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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