the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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