yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have tasted many bathrooms
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
