Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize