Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
