Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
These tits shall not be calmed
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
