I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
