So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
