need another drink. this is the easiest way
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
