so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
