Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
