Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
