the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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