just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
