I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
