i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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