It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Pappa wants mamma naked
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
