Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
