Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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