Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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