I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I could fuck to npr.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
