Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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