Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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