meet me or not, i'm out of control
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
