I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
