dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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