I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
