i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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