How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he laminated a picture of his dick.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize