is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
