We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
