LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
