Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
