I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
