We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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