It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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