The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Every concussion has its silver lining
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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