that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
