i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
