Having a random hookup so left but love u
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize