If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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