Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
