You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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