Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
