just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
