I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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