i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
