We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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