I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
