no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
