Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
