if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
