I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize