Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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